6/52

For some reason I feel like I need to change some things up, there is a few things in my life I would like to switch up. I love to rearrange furniture in my house and I feel like I need some things rearranged in my head and heart.

For one I have been trying to get pregnant for some time, I don't talk about it much because if I do I might start to cry, not because I am sad, but more because I am confused. I did make a semi-permanent decision that we are not going to go down that road anymore. I have been trying to rearrange my thoughts in my head and heart when see beautiful babies and look at my little family and wished there were more little ones around.

We all know that I am not the skinniest girl in town, but again something I don't talk about much. But it is something that is always on my mind and something I always want to change. I finally got some things figured out with my pcos and thyroid and feel good about the decisions that were made from me and my doctor.

Ben and I were talking the other day and he went to lunch with his boss, and his boss is trying to shed a few pounds. He was using an app on his Ipad to keep track of his calories. Ben said I am so glad I don't have to do it because I know I wouldn't. It made me giggle, because I know he wouldn't either. I think it might have been a breakthrough for Ben to see the other side of that struggle for people who worry about stuff like that.

I know I need to rearrange some thoughts with this struggle in my life and just do a little better everyday.

The last one I want to confess is my anxiety over things. I sometimes am so afraid of the bad things that can happen I almost won't do them. Well some I won't. I refuse to go to the canyon in the spring time and be anywhere near a river. I get so crazy in thought of what could happen. Also I don't really have any desire to go to the National parks where there might be cliffs or ledges. This recently happen with Kessler and his tonsillectomy. I actually postponed it once and then he got sick the second time and they wouldn't do it, and that just fed into my craziness. The third surgery scheduled we went through with it. What I learned though is that I need to have more faith in my Heavenly Father and faith in other people.

Everything turned out great for this little guy. He had a hard time keeping up his oxygen levels right after but they said they expected that especially with the size of his tonsils that would be coming out. The other funny thing is, his voice is so much higher. The pitch is quite different. Ben and I crack up laughing every time he says something to the both of us.

We had a Happy V-Day around here, the kids got a few small things from the ones who love them most. 

This above picture of Ben and I cracks me up, I think we were watching the Republican debate, hence our exited looks. I wanted to post this for Valentines. True Love right there! :)